And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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