Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
