I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
