are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize