my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
