I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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