You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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