Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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