yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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