If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
