One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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