I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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