how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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