but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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