As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
