am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
