last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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