we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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