i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
