I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
