You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
