when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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