he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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