I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
