for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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