I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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