well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
