So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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