There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
