Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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