Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize