i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
