I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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