Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
