hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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