lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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