It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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