just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
