after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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