If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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