Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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