I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
