Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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