sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
