I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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