I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
