Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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