His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
