They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
