oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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