Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
not ubering you a puppy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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