I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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