Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
