ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
