Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
