Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
