i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
