chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my being single is dangerous.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
