I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
