Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
