dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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