I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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