My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
