Three words: puerto rican gang bang
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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