so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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