grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I did not marry a roomba.
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